You are never alone and we need to care for others as well

So, I won't go into details of why this blog post is being written. Just know that life is precious and you may feel alone, but you are never alone. People always say Heavenly Father is always just a prayer away and it is so true (though if you are not open you may not feel how close He really is to you).

But Heavenly Father is not the only one who is always around and willing to listen when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Everyday I think of so many people in my life-- my in-laws (every one of them), my parents, my brothers and sisters, people from the ward, my primary children, my husband, extended family, friends I haven't spoken to since high school, friends I have fallen away from recently, close friends, acquaintances from school, friends on other continents, and those who have passed away. If I think of so many people in one day, then you never know who has been thinking of you.

Of course many of those people you may not be able to just call up and feel like you can pour out your whole soul, but there is always someone who is thinking about you and hoping you are doing well and would love to hear from you.

So, don't feel like you are alone. And not only that, but if you don't feel alone or don't need a hand, maybe someone you are thinking of throughout the day does need someone to talk to. We as human being need to stick out for one another and quit thinking "Oh, I don't want this person to think I am stalking them," "I don't want this person to think I am always using them" or "I don't want this person to get sick of me checking up on them." If that person does think that then it is their loss.

People need to understand that we are social creatures and depend on knowing we are loved by someone. We also need to stop caring what other people think of us.

People form their own opinions about you moments after they see you, but that may not be who you are, and you don't have to prove anything to anyone. You just have to be yourself.

That being said, it is so very important to stay in contact with friends and family member because it is rare for a person to come right out and tell people their problems. We as friends and family members have to be carefully watching for hints and clues about how a person is doing so that we can care for them and let them know we are there. When they are ready, they will open up.

I feel very hypocritical writing this. I have not always been there for friends or family. When I have been there for friends or family sometimes I feel like I am a nuisance and that is what makes me stop trying to care for them. But I shouldn't stop trying because of that, because some of those people really do need help and are just trying to push people away.

I am one of those people who are prideful and hate getting help or sympathy from anyone. I come off as cold and uncaring. The truth is I am shy  and though I may push you away I truly appreciate your concern and secretly always want those who are in my life to help me when I need help and be there for me when I am feeling down or going through something particularly rough.

And also I want to give a plea out to those who push people away-- don't ignore those who are there for you. Acknowledge that you know that they are trying to help, don't just ignore texts, calls, facebook messages, or face to face contact. The person who is trying to help is just telling you that they are there for you and you are not alone (especially when they know you are struggling). 

With the current events in my life I now realize I need to reach out to all those who are dear to me and let them know I am there and they are never alone.

(And lastly a shout out to my friend Stephanie Whitman who as I was writing this blog entry called me to check up on how I am doing. That is what a true friend would do.)

Almost there?

It's that time of year. It came earlier than it normally does. Typically I expect to be stressed to the core a week or two before finals, but not this year. A month and a half till finals and I am feeling it. I've already talked to Daniel about just graduating in August, but I won't do that...I honestly can't do that. Especially since I just want school done for now. I am looking forward to a nice half a semester to a year break from school that I am giving to myself after 6 years of college.

Yep 6. I should have graduated long ago, but I started off as a music major and then changed to a chemistry major. After my associates in chemistry I decided that I wanted to be a chemical engineer (even though after an associates in chemistry a major in chemistry would be rather quick and painless).  After a short while in that and after getting married to Daniel I decided I liked the exploration side of chemical engineering better and switched to geology. Now I have made one last refinement to my major--  I don't care about oil anymore, I am a hydro girl. I love hydrogeology, everything to do with it.

It has taken me 6 years to officially decide what I want to put my talents to and I don't regret it. I love my major! I just have to get through a few more months of schooling and I can finally tell people that I am a geologist. After 2 years of graduate school I can tell people I am a hydrogeologist. Now that will be a great day!!!

Crying and Laughter

So today was an uneventful day off. This weekend I meant to clean and get ahead, but instead I was just super sad about waiting a year until I go into grad school. I love education and I shed lots and lots of tears over it.

You know when you cry and you have so much snot in your nose you can't breathe through it and it starts running all over the place?

So I reached the snotty mess point and that's when Daniel comes up to me with an earplug and proceeds to put it up my nose. When I asked why I would want an earplug up my nose he said "Kinda like a tampon, but to soak up your snot!" So that's when I burst into laughter.

Hindsight

I am determined to make this semester one where I will enjoy being at school. I have found myself thinking about leaving BYU more and more often. I look at my best friends and everyone is so wrapped up in their lives that I can't predict anything. Then I look at my acquaintances in my major and find myself wondering if we could have been good friends if I had opened up more. Once I leave BYU most or all my contacts will just be through facebook. This saddens me, especially since I will stay in Utah with no family or many friends. I just feel like I have lost out on opportunities to expand my relationships and now it's too late. 

Last semester Daniel and I never saw each other because we were both so busy with school. We agreed at the last part of that semester to always MAKE time for each other, just for each other. We make time by praying together, reading scriptures together, planning primary lessons together, and we talk before we fall asleep. If we are both stressed we will take 15-30 minutes out of school stuff to just hang out and make sure we both know we are there for each other. I am grateful for Daniel and his effort to take time out of work and studying to be with me. I feel like spending time with your spouse is one of the most important goals to have.

I know I am lucky and blessed. Daniel and I have our struggles with money, but I am glad our relationship doesn't suffer the same struggles.

Live and Prepare

Live for today. 

Okay....so this is probably obvious to most people....and I admit that I thought about it occasionally but it really never sank in. I was always like "yeah yeah, I am living for today. I am enjoying my life," but I wasn't. I was half living my life for today but I was always thinking about 5 months-5 years in the future.

I didn't understand the difference between preparing for the future and living in the future. Well.....a couple days ago I was sulking (like always) about the future and then I read something that really hit me.

I can't remember where it was from but it essentially said that if you live in the future you will miss things in the present and eventually you will realize what you missed and will want to go back and re-live those moments...but you can't.

This I already knew, but I needed to hear again and again and again until I could change my life to live in the present but prepare for the future.

When I was single I lived to be married, graduate, and have kids.

Now I am married and I want to graduate, have kids, get a job, and get a house to settle down in.

I sometimes think back to my single days and yes I enjoyed them, but I find I can't remember much about them. I wish I had lived more then and not stressed over my future too much. Now I am married and childless, but I have a feeling I won't remember the years where I only spent it with my dearest husband because I was always anxious to graduate and wanting to start a family so badly that it physically hurts to think about the future. Why put myself through so much stress and agony?

I know that if I continue this way that once I have kids I will be wanting them to walk, talk, be potty trained and sooner of later their babyhood will be over and I will miss those days when I could just hold them. I don't want to look back when all my kids are grown up and be filled with regrets that I didn't live in the moment.

Essentially I have learned to think about the future in a way that I will be prepared for it (insurance, graduation, etc) but I won't dwell on "what ifs." It's fun to fantasize about the future....but to let it consume every part of my life is ridiculous.

So just live for the moment, but prepare for the future. Grow spiritually and Heavenly Father will watch over you and things will happen when they are meant to happen.

Utah Winter Freezing Rain: Ice skating!

Yep I went ice skating today! I have only been ice skating maybe....3 or 4 times in my life (mostly when I was super uber little). Utah's freezing rain made it extremely interesting to walk to and from classes. I am sure it was interesting for those driving and riding bikes as well. I mastered a slow granny walk and witnessed many stumbles and falls. What I wish I had seen were the people going down the ramp from the Marriot (video below)!!! It sure does look like a blast (NOT)!

Honestly, they should have cancelled morning classes until the grounds crew had a chance to work their magic. If I were pregnant and came to campus today I would be terrified of a bad fall. I hope no one was seriously injured. 

Is it over yet?

The only feeling I have this semester is eagerness to get it over with. I want to start the next phase of my life, it is so overdue!!! There isn't a day that goes by where my mind isn't overwhelmed with thoughts of the future.