Crying and Laughter

So today was an uneventful day off. This weekend I meant to clean and get ahead, but instead I was just super sad about waiting a year until I go into grad school. I love education and I shed lots and lots of tears over it.

You know when you cry and you have so much snot in your nose you can't breathe through it and it starts running all over the place?

So I reached the snotty mess point and that's when Daniel comes up to me with an earplug and proceeds to put it up my nose. When I asked why I would want an earplug up my nose he said "Kinda like a tampon, but to soak up your snot!" So that's when I burst into laughter.

Hindsight

I am determined to make this semester one where I will enjoy being at school. I have found myself thinking about leaving BYU more and more often. I look at my best friends and everyone is so wrapped up in their lives that I can't predict anything. Then I look at my acquaintances in my major and find myself wondering if we could have been good friends if I had opened up more. Once I leave BYU most or all my contacts will just be through facebook. This saddens me, especially since I will stay in Utah with no family or many friends. I just feel like I have lost out on opportunities to expand my relationships and now it's too late. 

Last semester Daniel and I never saw each other because we were both so busy with school. We agreed at the last part of that semester to always MAKE time for each other, just for each other. We make time by praying together, reading scriptures together, planning primary lessons together, and we talk before we fall asleep. If we are both stressed we will take 15-30 minutes out of school stuff to just hang out and make sure we both know we are there for each other. I am grateful for Daniel and his effort to take time out of work and studying to be with me. I feel like spending time with your spouse is one of the most important goals to have.

I know I am lucky and blessed. Daniel and I have our struggles with money, but I am glad our relationship doesn't suffer the same struggles.

Live and Prepare

Live for today. 

Okay....so this is probably obvious to most people....and I admit that I thought about it occasionally but it really never sank in. I was always like "yeah yeah, I am living for today. I am enjoying my life," but I wasn't. I was half living my life for today but I was always thinking about 5 months-5 years in the future.

I didn't understand the difference between preparing for the future and living in the future. Well.....a couple days ago I was sulking (like always) about the future and then I read something that really hit me.

I can't remember where it was from but it essentially said that if you live in the future you will miss things in the present and eventually you will realize what you missed and will want to go back and re-live those moments...but you can't.

This I already knew, but I needed to hear again and again and again until I could change my life to live in the present but prepare for the future.

When I was single I lived to be married, graduate, and have kids.

Now I am married and I want to graduate, have kids, get a job, and get a house to settle down in.

I sometimes think back to my single days and yes I enjoyed them, but I find I can't remember much about them. I wish I had lived more then and not stressed over my future too much. Now I am married and childless, but I have a feeling I won't remember the years where I only spent it with my dearest husband because I was always anxious to graduate and wanting to start a family so badly that it physically hurts to think about the future. Why put myself through so much stress and agony?

I know that if I continue this way that once I have kids I will be wanting them to walk, talk, be potty trained and sooner of later their babyhood will be over and I will miss those days when I could just hold them. I don't want to look back when all my kids are grown up and be filled with regrets that I didn't live in the moment.

Essentially I have learned to think about the future in a way that I will be prepared for it (insurance, graduation, etc) but I won't dwell on "what ifs." It's fun to fantasize about the future....but to let it consume every part of my life is ridiculous.

So just live for the moment, but prepare for the future. Grow spiritually and Heavenly Father will watch over you and things will happen when they are meant to happen.

Utah Winter Freezing Rain: Ice skating!

Yep I went ice skating today! I have only been ice skating maybe....3 or 4 times in my life (mostly when I was super uber little). Utah's freezing rain made it extremely interesting to walk to and from classes. I am sure it was interesting for those driving and riding bikes as well. I mastered a slow granny walk and witnessed many stumbles and falls. What I wish I had seen were the people going down the ramp from the Marriot (video below)!!! It sure does look like a blast (NOT)!

Honestly, they should have cancelled morning classes until the grounds crew had a chance to work their magic. If I were pregnant and came to campus today I would be terrified of a bad fall. I hope no one was seriously injured. 

Is it over yet?

The only feeling I have this semester is eagerness to get it over with. I want to start the next phase of my life, it is so overdue!!! There isn't a day that goes by where my mind isn't overwhelmed with thoughts of the future.

oh bother

So one thing that bothers me is when people schedule something and then forget altogether and you are left hanging after clearing all your plans.

Today was such a day. I went home from school (e-mailing an assignment because I knew I wouldn't be on campus to turn it in properly). I got ready to go and waited and waited....and waited. Then she calls and wants to set up another time....but she sounds like she has no idea that we had already set a time-- for today and now! So now I have to do this all again.

Ok, rant done.

Sunrise

I am staying home from school today because one of my classes was cancelled and the other is going over things I know.

I was a little sad that I didn't go to campus, but sitting on my couch with a window facing the mountains as the sun rose above them was priceless. I wouldn't have seen this if I went to school in the morning.

I just love how our cream colored curtains glow as the suns rays shine through them. :)